Regrets
by Go Cats 27
Summary: Leopardstar's lived a life of regrets. Now, on her her way to StarClan, she thinks about her life and all of her regrets...  Review?


**Please, please oh please review! This is Leopardstar dying and on her way to StarClan, thinking about her life and how she could've done things better. Enjoy! **

The dappled she-cat knows she is dying, she has known for a long time. 'Mothwing." She mews softly; it's the only thing she can say. "Yes, Leopardstar?" The other cat approaches Leopardstar. "Stay with me." Leopardstar whispers, as it her last wish, not to die alone. "Yes, Leopardstar." The medicine cat mews simply, as she will not disobey her leader's last order. The dappled golden she-cat is on her way to joining StarClan, so she says one thing that she hopes will clear everything up, a confession. "I've lived a life of regrets…"

I always wanted to be clan leader, from the day I opened my eyes, little did I know I would be one, but my reign would be one full of regrets and immature decisions. I was strong as an apprentice, I had a good mentor, his name was Whitefang. I will never forget Whitefang, he taught me everything I know, or, at least _knew._ Whether I chose to use this knowledge was up to me, sometimes I didn't. I soon became a warrior, my warrior name was Leopardfur. From then on my only ambition was to become deputy, and when Oakheart died and Crookedstar made me deputy I thought I was set for life. All of a sudden the respect I my clan mates gave me doubled. I loved it. I have always loved power.

Then when Crookedstar lost his last life and I became leader I realised there was a lot of responsibility. A _lot_. But my pride wouldn't let me admit that. I appointed Stonefur deputy, blissfully unaware of his half-clan heritage. Then Tigerstar took over ShadowClan, I'd always been fascinated by the handsome cat across the river, ThunderClan's deputy, but then it became something else, love. This love would cause me to make the worst mistake of my life. Of course I was curious as to how Tigerstar became leader, but I didn't pry.

Then Firestar became a leader and Stonefur and Mistyfoot's true mother was revealed, and although it was not in the favour of my clan mates I still let him serve as deputy, after all, he had been as clueless as the rest of us. Then, one fateful night, Tigerstar gave me a proposition, TigerClan. I wanted this not because of the welfare of my clan, but because I wanted _him._ I had this vision of us being mates, and joint leaders of TigerClan, with our kits playing at our feet, never to get hungry. I was in love with him, and blinded by love, I was only too willing to accept.

Then TigerClan turned out to be a disaster, I watched Stonefur be killed and so desperately wanted to end our deal, but trapped in my pride, my stupid, selfish pride I didn't. I didn't want my clan to so openly know I'd made such a mistake. Then Tigerstar threatened us all with BloodClan. Then Firestar told us about Tigerstar, who he really was, what he had done. I just sat there listening in disbelief. Then the pig-headed fool Tigerstar demand BloodClan fight. BloodClan's leader, Scourge, disagreed and when Tigerstar didn't stop, killed Tigerstar.

I sat there and watched Tigerstar die. Nine times over.

Scourge gave us three days. I didn't feel anything after that, my mind and my body racked by grief. But I didn't hold much, if any, hope for my clan. I sent scouts out to look for more territory, then just sat there and looked at the bone hill. The horrible gruesome bone hill. Firestar came to me and asked me to fight on his side, at first I laughed at him, then I realised I should at least try to save my clan. I agreed. Then all of a sudden a new energy spread through me, making me feel strong, and as light as air. The first thing I did was pull down the bone hill. It felt good. _Very _good.

I was felt more alive in the battle than I had felt for moons, I told my clan it was for honour and courage but the real truth was that it was avenging Tigerstar's death. After that I appointed Mistyfoot deputy, a wise choice. Then, a rouge she-cat called Sasha bought her kits to RiverClan. I knew exactly who the father was. Tigerstar. Maybe that's the reason I let then in to RiverClan, maybe…

The other clans didn't like it, but it hardly compares to Firestar's clan of kittypets. Then, slowly, I watched the other clans begin to starve to death. Stormfur and Feathertail disappeared, and then Stormfur came back. Feathertail was dead, he told us. Then he said that we must go. I didn't want too. Why should RiverClan go when we're not dying? I gave as my reason. But the real reason was the constant worry, what if I did go and there was no territory? What would my clan think of me then? Once again, my pride clouded my judgement.

The twolegs began to dam the river, and RiverClan began to suffer. I made my decision. It was to go. At some points of the great journey I thought we were all doomed. Thank StarClan the tribe helped us. Thank StarClan it wasn't a disaster. When we got to the lake the troubles started. The rebellion against Onestar, the twoleg poison, Stormfur and Brook and then Hawkfrost. I was told what he had done. He was just as bad as his father.

The lake was infested by twolegs, and we had to live on the island for a while, I thought that we were all doomed, but the disaster was thankfully avoided. There a battle between all four clans, but no cat from RiverClan died, Sol came to the lake, but that only affected ShadowClan. Hollyleaf, a warrior of ThunderClan, revealed a terrible secret, but only WindClan and ThunderClan were involved. Just when I thought things were starting to get better, I began to get old, the drought began and I began to die.

I got so sick in the end I just wanted to die. I knew my nine lives were coming to an end. I knew it was my time to die. But for some reason, I was happy dying. I had a good deputy who would make a brilliant leader, a healthy clan and a good medicine cat. There was only one thing I needed to say, to confess, and when I did, I was finally at peace with myself.

_I've lived a life of regrets… _


End file.
